13 April 2009

can you feel it coming in the air tonight?

For those of you not familiar with Garbage Pail Kids...that lovely depiction is none other than "foul-towel Raoul". I much prefer cleaning up with the curtains, some unsuspecting broad's hair, or a copy of the Wall Street Journal, unless one of these happens to be laying around:

However, a new product called the screwtch is available for those times when you're too lazy to rummage around for a sack of kitty litter to soak up the inevitable wet spot, and way too drunk to just get up go the fuck home and pass out in your own equally disqusting bodily fluid stained bed with the sheets you haven't washed since you paid that transvestite hooker to come over for a rousing game of "the dog in a bathtub" :

With special towels to clean golf
clubs, special towels for car
dashboards, and special towels for
gym workouts, do you not agree that
it's time we had a special personal
towel for active, intimate couples?

Leave all those bulky towels, day old
shorts, damp tissues, crusty sports
socks and flour bag rags behind.
Instead... reach for a Screwch ®.
You will enjoy the comfort it brings you.

The text that accompanies their website is some of the foulest shit I have ever read;
The 100% cotton allows bleaching. Your pure white, absorbent, terry-velour Screwch will remain pristine for years of use. The unique shape and folding method prevents it from being mixed with other towels which are used as face and hand towels. This is sure to be appreciated by your guests.
Which brings to mind the question - have you ever unsuspectingly used a foul towel to dry your hands while a guest in someone's house? Some questions are better left unanswered.
The cup runneth over and love trickles head for the sheets.Generally, it is not you that ends up in the cold, wet discomfort of that little lake you created most of.And then there's the fact of getting up to find something absorbent, just when all you really want to do is cuddle and snooze.
Really Bitches? Who want's to cuddle after "creating a lake of love" - fucking disgusting, in fact who wants to cuddle ever? Except maybe this guy.

1 comment:

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