30 April 2009

the "mighty hammers" strike again....sort of


"See, West Ham football is mediocre. But our firm is top-notch, and everyone knows it. The GSE: Green Street Elite. Arsenal...great football, shit firm...the Gooners. Tottenham....shit football, and a shit firm....the Yids, they're called. I actually put their main lad through a phone box window the other day."
There's not a whole lot of decent footie movies out there. Green Street Hooligans sure as hell didn't deserve an academy award, but it was pretty entertaining if you can look past the unconvincing performance by Elijah "lord of the rings" Woods. Green Street Hooligans provides the best description of why brits don't like baseball, and why most yanks don't appreciate footie:

Matt Buckner: What are you talkin' about, baseball is a girl's game? The Red Sox have a guy that pitches the ball over 90 miles per hour!
Pete Dunham: Who cares? All that means is that he can have a wank faster than you.

That being said - there are some films that just don't merit a sequel. I'm no Oliver Stone, but here's a tip for you aspiring film makers, if you can only convince one of the original cast members to play in the sequel, perhaps it's not worth making. And maybe, just fucking maybe, if the writer of the original film buys the internet domain of the name of the sequel to announce that he had absolutely nothing to fucking do with it....you might consider scrapping the project. A straight to DVD release in the UK, it's yet to be released stateside. Regardless, as god awful as this looks as soon as it makes it to the $6.99 rack at target, I'll be watching....with no pants on.

Following the deadly climax of "Green Street Hooligans," several members of the West Ham firm and numerous members of Millwall end up in jail. The GSE quickly discover the brutality of life on the inside, as they are constant targets of the superior numbers and better-financed Millwall crew. Football on the inside and out is followed fervently by the prisoners and wins and losses by both are quickly followed by punishment or reward. This could mean a beating or an extra shower or a day of visitation, which inspires extreme behavior. When overcrowding compels a need for the early release of a fortunate few, fate brings West Ham and Millwall together again this time on a Pitch. The stakes are the highest they have ever been for all concerned with death or freedom quite literally a goal away. Game on.

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