31 July 2009

the friday get right for the weekend anthem

It doesn't get more gangster than break dancing in an animal costume. Consider that knowledge officially dropped. Enjoy bitches:

27 July 2009

purple rain - 25 years later

July 27, 1984 Purple Rain was released. Twenty-five years later, the film stands the test of time as not only one of the greatest films of the 1980's, but one of the greatest of all time. I wouldn't put Purple Rain in my top 5, but it probably has a spot in the top 25. Since the passing of Michael Jackson a month ago, much debate has been made as to who is a better artist: Prince or MJ? Before you try to convince me that Bad, or any other song Jacko put out in the 80's could even hold a candle to the catalog of his purple majesty; consider this - during the summer of 1984 Prince had the number one album, single, and movie in the country. And if you're still not convinced, try this on for size from David Z the engineer from the album purple rain:
"I was mixing the soundtrack at a sound stage in Los Angeles. I pull up with two huge tapes under my arms, and I see Prince talking to somebody. "David, do you know Michael Jackson?" In this sound stage, there was a ping pong table. They come in with their bodyguards. Prince says, "You want to play ping pong?" Michael says, "I don't know how to play, but I'll try." The whole crew stops working to watch them play. Pretty soon, Prince says to Michael, "You want me to slam it?" Michael drops his paddle and holds his hands up in front of his face so the ball won't hit him. Needless to say, the game is over. Michael walks out with his bodyguard. And Prince starts strutting around like a rooster. "Did you see that? He played like Helen Keller."
That's right. Ping pong bitches....ping pong. Since the purple one immediately takes down any attempt to post his work on youtube, I'll leave you with the script from the final scene of Purple Rain, as it was written, this version of the script excludes his dedication to his father 'Francis L', as well as includes the part of Vanity before she was replaced by Apollonia:

Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome The Revolution!

Applause off screen. Prince stands
abruptly, straps on his guitar. His
Band Members look at him closely, trying
to discern his feelings. He gives them
a cursory glance, cuts out the door.

(111) INT. CLUB -- NIGHT

Prince hits the stage and the APPLAUSE
grows, but it' s nothing like the
exuberance that greeted Morris. He
moves center-stage and plants himself
there, his eyes staring into the

leans against the bar, a smug look on
his face.

walks slowly up the stairs, gazes at

does not move. The APPLAUSE trickles
away. He continues to stare in the
audience making no attempt to direct his
Band, or start a tune. A nervous
TWITTER ripples though the crowd. Those
who know about the tragedy feel a
profound embarrassment for him -- but no
one turns away. Then his voice comes
clear and mellifluous--

I would like to do a song that
two of my friends wrote.

A MURMUR, cuts through the Crowd like a
riptide. Prince snaps a look to Lisa
and Wendy and confirms that it is indeed
their song. They can't believe it!
Tears spring to Wendy's eyes before she
knows it ...

Prince smiles at her, then gazes at his
entire Band. Their eyes fasten on him
in an instant. He counts softly and...

MUSIC. The opening bars of "Purple
Rain." He turns to to the audience and

It's a ballad, a poem really, a plea for
understanding, love, and survival. It's
a testament, a pact if you will, between
himself and others...

The AUDIENCE is mesmerized, all EYES are
upon him -- but Prince doesn't notice.
Lips pressed against the mike, dark eyes
streaming, he's lost to himself now,
loosening all that's within him,
cleansing himself of his rage, hatred
and pain...

is crying. Every moment she has shared
with him is expressed in this song, and
the effect on her is unnerving. Her
heart leaps to him in a way she never
thought possible. But she lets it go
willingly, as the words draw her in,
seducing her somehow, making her
free...as if the music, his words, all
that he has experienced and understood,
is purging what is confused and ugly
within herself, leaving her with an
understanding and joy that burns in her
womb like soft fire. A smile springs to
her lips as tears continue to flow, and
she finds herself moving closer...

...as the Audience moves closer, drawn
somehow to the stage, to the person who
SINGS so truly, to the person who gives
of himself unselfishly to all that he

Prince begins a long sustained CRY that
cuts though the hearts of all present.
The MUSIC builds awsomely, and he
continues to sing out, emptying himself
of all the remaining pain lying within.
The MUSIC crescendos and comes to a
quiet end...

Stunned SILENCE. A silence so profound
you could hear a pin drop. Prince
sighs, assumes the worse, then cuts
across the stage purposefully. Now some
CLAPPING. And a WHISTLE from the back
and the SHOUTING. And more WHISTLES and
some even SCREAMING. And the WHISTLES
and the SHOUTS and the CLAPPING growing
and growing as....


Prince cuts from the stage in a frenzy,
rushes toward the rear exit. The
APPLAUSE is building and building until
it's a THUNDER, an onrushing ROAR, an
avalanche of HYSTERIA that rocks the
club mightily...

is still running though, his face
streaming with tears, past the surprised
look of Jill, past the FANS, past
everyone -- stripping of his clothes
fiercely, flinging off his jacket, his
shirt, his scarf--


He SMASHES open the door, BURSTS
outside. He sucks in the night air as
if he was drowning. He wipes away his
tears, rushes to his bike, starts to
undo the chain...

...they're SHOUTING his NAME...

Not randomly, not haphazardly, but...in
unison. And relentless, very demanding,
downright urgent, and...it's beautiful.

A wry smile crosses his lips. He heads
back to the door. Jill is there,
scared, her face a map of tears. He
flashes her a smile--


She's thunderstruck, can barely squeak
it out--

And he whips into the hallway. Her face
dissolves into a smile of pure joy.

(114) INT. CLUB -- NIGHT

reach for him as he passes, touching
him, showering him with their love.
Someone hands him his shirt, another his
scarf -- it's so intense!

He's moving quickly now, his jacket up
ahead, closer...he stops suddenly,

...Vanity is holding his jacket. He's
struck speechless -- she hands it to him
smiling, tears streaming down her face--

I love you.

His knees go weak, she kisses him
spontaneously, pushes him lovingly to
the stage.



He's half-running now like crazy -- his
Band is on-stage, peering anxiously into
the hallway. They spot him and relief
sweeps their faces like a tidal wave.
He whips his jacket on, rushes up the
(116) INT. CLUB -- NIGHT
THUNDER! Prince walks center-
stage...and bows. The AUDIENCE goes
BERSERK! He acknowledges Wendy and
Lisa, and then the entire Band. The
CROWD is jumping out of their skin! He
straps on his guitar, gives a deft
signal and--

MUSIC. The Band launches into "I Would
Die For You." Vanity squeezes her way
through the crowd and stands watching
Prince from the wings. He presses his
lips to the mike and SINGS.

mozzer monday - hairdresser on fire

Morrissey allegedly wrote this song after being unable to get an appointment with a hairdresser in London. It's the b-side to suedehead on his first solo release Viva Hate.
"You're repressed, but you're remarkably dressed"

Being asked to cut the Mozz-father's hair would be like Michelangelo asking you to touch up the Sistine Chapel. As Morrissey puts it "Why meddle with a masterpiece?"

24 July 2009

know your foe - san jose earthquakes

Second place United (6-3-9) heads to the left coast to face last place San Jose (3-10-4) Saturday night - 1030pm. United beat Rochester in the semifinals of the US Open Cup Tuesday night to make their second consecutive Open Cup Final. Most recently in league play, United beat Colorado 3-1 last Saturday. The earthquakes enter the match on a two game losing streak having lost at Chicago and home to Toronto in their last two league fixtures.

San Jose was one of the initial 'founding members' of major league soccer, beginning play in '96, winning their first ever match 1-0 vs. none other than eventual league champions DC United. San Jose would be known as the Clash from their inception in 1995 until 1999 when it was decided to adopt the name of the former North American Soccer League team from San Jose 'the earthquakes'. In 2004 it was rumored that San Jose and the MLS considered re branding the team again to be called 'San Jose America' as part of a partnership with Mexican Club America. After outrage from fans and the resignation of club GM Johnny Moore, enter, a man who could fuck up a wet dream, Alexi Lalas. After Lalas traded away then San Jose striker Landon Donovan's rights to Bayer 04 Leverkusen of the German Bundesliga League, the team was relocated to Houston for the 2006 season. In 2007, MLS Commissioner Don Garber announced that San Jose would resume play as the Earthquakes in 2008.

San Jose California is the third largest city in California as well as the tenth largest city in the US. The Earthquakes play their home matches at Buck Shaw Stadium on the Campus of Santa Clara University in Santa Clara, California. The stadium is named for former SCU football coach Lawrence T. (Buck) Shaw who also coached the 49ers and Philadelphia Eagles. Shaw is the only pro football coach to have ever defeated Vince Lombardi in an NFL Championship game (1960). In 2005 Buck Shaw stadium was converted to a soccer only stadium with a current capacity of just over 10,000. For games with a larger anticipated attendance, the Earthquakes play at Oakland Alameda Stadium.

The Clash opted to change their nickname to the Earthquakes following the conclusion of the 1999 MLS Season. The 2000 season marked the return of a soccer club with the Earthquakes nickname to the Bay Area. San Jose played its first season under the Earthquakes moniker, revamping the organization under the name of the NASL soccer team that had been so popular in the area in the 1970's and early 1980's. San Jose is located at the southern end of the San Francisco Bay Area in close proximity to the San Andreas fault. Earthquakes have damaged the city numerous times in 1839, 1851, 1858, 1864, 1865, 1868, 1891, 1906, 1957, and most recently the Loma Prieta earthquake of 1989.

The Earthquakes join the LA Galaxy, and Real Salt Lake in garnering a jersey sponsor with questionable business practices. In 2009 San Jose announced, noted ultra-conservative pyramid scheme company, Amway Global as their presenting sponsor in a three year deal. Despite numerous investigations and allegations against the company, Amway, in addition to being presenting sponsor of the Earthquakes also partnered with the Los Angeles Sol of the WSL.

Head to Head Record
United trails in the all time record against San Jose with a record of 10-12-4. Most recently United beat the Earthquakes 3-0, July 15, 2008 at RFK. However United's last win against San Jose away from estadio RFK came in June of 1998 - a span of 9 games. Last season the teams split the home and away series 1 win a piece, with each team winning the home leg. In 13 matches at San Jose United has only managed 15 goals while conceding 20, sporting an away record of 2-7-4.

Trophy Case
San Jose has won two MLS Cups and one MLS Supporters shield, for best regular season record. Their first MLS Cup came in 2001, when 19 year old Landon Donovan joined the club from German Bundesliga team Bayer Leverkusen. The Quakes defeated the Galaxy 2-1 in the final to complete the transformation from worst MLS team in 2000, to league champions in 2001. In 2003 the Earthquakes once again became league champions defeating the Chicago Fire 4-2 led by man of the match Landon Donovan. In their final original season the quakes added a supporters shield posting an 18-4-10 record before being eliminated by the galaxy in the western conference semifinals and relocating to Houston.

The Earthquakes original coach, Laurie Calloway, provided plenty of controversy and entertainment for footie fans. He immediately clashed with Eric 'Jim Rome can suck my cock' Wynalda. Reports of a fist fight in the locker room after subbing Wynalda out of a match, culminated with Wynalda hiring a plane to fly over the stadium with a banner urging fans to call for Calloway's resignation. The Quakes are currently coached by, former EPL and Canadian National Team defender, Frankie Yallop. After stints as an assistant under Thomas Rongen at DC, and Tampa Bay, the Quakes named Yallop their head coach in 2001. In his first year as head coach Yallop led the Quakes to their first MLS Cup, and after being named MLS coach of the year in '01, and winning a second cup in '03, Yallop departed San Jose to coach the Canadian Men's National Team. After a two year stint in Canuckistan, Yallop returned to Major League Soccer coaching the Los Angeles Galaxy from 2006 - 2007, before returning to San Jose in '08.

Supporters Groups
The Quakes have several supporters groups including an homage to the Clash The Casbah', the ultra creative named 'club quake' and the 1906 Ultras. Given the small capacity of Buck Shaw stadium, you'd think they'd come up with something more inspired than this chant to get the fans involved in the match:
Your Profession
Leader: Ultras, what is your profession?
Response(fists up): Augh Augh Augh

Notable former Earthquakes include, Landy Cakes, current Toronto FC midfielder Dwayne De Rosario, wizards defender Jimmy Conrad, Eddie Lewis, Mr. Personality Eric Wynalda, former DC United defender Jeff Agoos, as well as current Dynamo head coach Dominic Kinnear. Their current roster includes, Arturo Alvarez, former DC defender Mike Zaher, former Man City Striker Darren Huckerby, former DCU and Reading midfielder Bobby Convey, as well as goaltender Joe Cannon.

The Game
United has not performed well on the road this season, winning only 1 time away from RFK. They have a road record of 1-3-5, scoring 14 goals while conceding 18. United has been playing well as of late, they'll be missing Santino Quaranta who is with the US Men's National Team in the Gold Cup Final, Boyzzzz Kumahlo will miss the game with a broken wrist, and Clyde Simms (hernia) will not travel either. United will however have newly acquired midfielder Danny Szetela.

Prediction: United 3 - San Jose 2

21 July 2009

let's hope this one receives an NC-17 rating

Before viewing this let me run down a to-do list so you can enjoy this the way it was intended:
Hot ruskies? Check. Lesbians? Check. A hot russian psuedo-lesbian band that covered perhaps the greatest smiths song ever? Check. Only one thing missing - pants=off? Check.
Enjoy bitches -

sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here - part deux

Don't be pessimistic, it's not your style. Okay, here I go: Clearly, a mistake. I've got this, what - ailment? My doctor, a shrink that I used to go to all the time, he says that in fifty or sixty percent of the cases, a pill really helps. I *hate* pills, very dangerous thing, pills. Hate. I'm using the word "hate" here, about pills. Hate. My compliment is, that night when you came over and told me that you would never... well, you were there, you know what you said. Well, my compliment to you is, the next morning, I started taking the pills.
If you didn't read the saga that was round one, you should probably read it first and get up to speed. Here's another chat between myself and Celluloid Hero recapping round two from a few nights later:

10:09 AM
Rob Gordon: dude - you ready for round 2?
Celluloid hero: lay it on me. Morrissey tracks are officially on the list
downloading the entire Smiths discography as we speak.
Rob Gordon: you off today?
Celluloid hero: no, I set it up before I left the house.
Rob Gordon: gotcha
Celluloid hero: one sec before you tell the story
Rob Gordon: word
Celluloid hero: ok, I’m all set.
10:15 AM
Rob Gordon: ok - first, and seriously - when you met her at Grevey's she seemed normal right?
Celluloid hero: for the most part. as she got hammered I could smell the crazy.
Rob Gordon: haha-but it wasn't like an overwhelming crazy, more like a hint of crazy?
Celluloid hero: I'd say a decent amount. like a cup of crazy. more than a tea spoon.
Rob Gordon: L-O-L, now that's comedy
so I call her last night around 8:30, fully expecting to get the blow off again
she actually answers, we talk for like two hours, she tells me she doesn't remember going to carpool on Mon night
tells me I shouldn't let her drink wine because it makes her black out
but at the same time what do you think she was doing as we were talking? drinking wine of course
Celluloid hero: wow, certified psychopath-hot!
10:21 AM
Rob Gordon: yeah, so then I said something along the lines of I was shocked she answered the phone, etc... at this point she seems to the casual observer as a completely sane individual
she apologized, blah blah
then she asks me why we aren't having the conversation in person
tells me to come over, it's like 1030 at this point<>Celluloid hero: flames shooting out the back=baaaad ass
Rob Gordon: I know right - some people think it's from a fuel leak -that shits intentional
Celluloid hero: I’m listening to Morrissey as you tell this tale of tales.
Rob Gordon: trying to think of which song would be most fitting for this story...probably - pretty girls make graves? because I'm pretty sure she'll try to kill me at some point
so get to her condo - didn't notice on Monday but she lives right across the street from where Deanna Favre works - like you can see her building from her condo
10:26 AM
Celluloid hero: so right near Big Buns and the Westin. nice.
Rob Gordon: yup same street
so she comes down to let me in and take her dog out wearing pajamas
I hadn't had anything to drink and she had a head start so I said I thought we were going to grab a drink, she's like yeah I'll get changed
so we go to her apartment where she proceeds to put on jeans, but still a pajama top
- no bra
that'll be important later in the evening
Celluloid hero: ok, haha
Rob Gordon: so she seriously has no recollection of going to car pool on Monday night
Celluloid hero: stay classy, Arlington
Rob Gordon: so I fill her in a little bit
I know right - hair all jacked up - whatevs
I leave out a lot of the story from Monday - but cover her laying on the sidewalk, etc...
no mention of the spitting on the floor and rambling
then she asks me if I remember her falling in the bath tub on Monday night
wait one...
Celluloid hero: omg
8 minutes
10:39 AM
Rob Gordon: ok
Celluloid hero: and we're back!
Rob Gordon: so then she tells me that while I passed out on the sofa for a few minutes on Monday night somehow she fell in the bathtub and has a huge scar on her back - which she shows me and it's literally 4" long
Celluloid hero: oh wow and you didn’t hear any of this?
Rob Gordon: so we're walking into the mall - and she was like - remind me to stop by CVS before we go home
no - didn't hear any of it
Celluloid hero: CVS always makes me laugh with this broad
Rob Gordon: has to pick up her prescription
I know right - I thought of you when she said it
then I jizzed in my pants
I thought the CVS in the mall was open 24 hours - but clearly not since it's in the mall
apparently she hasn't had her prescription for like a week
I can only hope it's some miracle drug that will get her shit together
so we head into union jacks and for a bar that's trying to be a british pub - the dj is playing techno and dance music
I'm not 100% certain - but I saw a broad that I thought for a second was the tranny -probably not - but I think she lives over that way now
so we grab some beers and we start dancing
Celluloid hero: you are a dancing fool with this broad
Rob Gordon: had no choice - not my thing - but whatever
didn't notice at first because she had her back to me grinding her "black ass" on me
but every time she'd bend over dancing - her titties were popping out of her pajama top
Celluloid hero: nice! haha
10:46 AM
Rob Gordon: yeah -definitely attracted some attention
some dude came over and I'm not sure what was said but she started talking shit to him, he looked up at me and I had this clueless look on my face so thankfully he just walked
she was yelling "fuck you" in his direction for like a good 2 or three minutes
then the crazy starts to really set in
she starts saying she wants to leave, then she wants to stay, then she wants to leave, etc...
so I ask if everything is ok - and the line of the evening "welcome to my shitty life"
she probably said that - no exaggeration 25 times through out the night
Celluloid hero: so did daddy touch her? does she need to be in a 12 step program?
surprised she hasn’t started stripping yet
Rob Gordon: I don't know man, something seriously not good
I'm thinking of calling a mutual friend of ours to discuss, we'll get to that
so we probably had three beers each and she's going from happy to sad, to fuck my life, and telling me that I shouldn't want to be a part of her life, blah blah
so I suggest we swing by CVS and walk home
it's maybe 12:30 at this time
walk towards CVS and of course it's closed
she literally starts to cry
I'm like- it's ok, it's no big deal you can get it in the morning
then she says she hungry - and what's right by CVS that's still open at 12:30 at night
fucking Baileys
10:52 AM
Celluloid hero: oh god, that place smells like fermented ass.
Rob Gordon: indeed it does
so we go into baileys, I'm holding her hand trying to hold her up, steer her in - she almost walks right into the wall instead of the open doors
what makes this the worst - I'd only had three beers, probably a lot easier to handle if I had a nice buzz going
so we sit down get some menus - she can't figure out how to read hers
so I ordered chips and salsa and a quesadilla
he brings us two beers and the chips and salsa
I can't even describe this and do it justice - she fucking attacked the chips and salsa like it was her last meal
I maybe got one chip
so I ask if she'll be alright by herself if I go to the bathroom - she says ok
Celluloid hero: oh god
Rob Gordon: I come back from the loo and she has her feet up on another bar stool - sandals probably 10 feet away
and there are chips and salsa all over the floor,
all over her
fucking everywhere
Celluloid hero: L-O-L
Rob Gordon: should have snapped a pic - not sure what I was thinking
so the other ten or so people at the bar are trying not to stare-
probably what it was like when I tried to bang the tranny on the same bar
out comes the quesadilla
similar results with that
I mean when Rob Gordon Jr. was still one or two he made less of a mess
she grabbed two huge sections of the thing tries to jam it in the sour cream - can't figure it out gives up and starts eating, shit dripping all over her
I'd finished my beer and asked the bartender for another
first time this has ever been said to me - "you can have another, but she definitely can't"
he brings me another, and replaces hers with a water
which of course did not go over well
Celluloid hero: did this summon the rage?
11:00 AM
Rob Gordon: indeed it did
"welcome to my shitty life"
Celluloid hero: you really need to get the new iPhone 3G S so you can catch all this on video
Rob Gordon: it must be what it feels like to dine with a crack addicted vagrant
so I ask for the check and chug my beer - never have I gotten a check quicker in my life
so we leave, get outside
five minute walk tops to her place
she's not doing well
actually get a cab this time
ask the cabbie if he takes a credit card, he says no, I'm like no worries, thanks anyway don't have any cash
she insists she has cash-I asked her at least three times if she has cash
get to her place - cab fare $4.88, she opens her purse and has $1
if I have to find an ATM and get cash it's going to be a while
I'm apologizing to the cab driver, I'm like dude I'm sorry - remember my face - next time $100 tip
at this point she's rambling and he just wants us out so he's like alright cool
get into her place and this is where it stops being funny
Celluloid hero: well funny for me at least haha
Rob Gordon: a little bit
part of this is actually really disgusting
fuck it - I'll tell you
so she comes out of the bathroom lies down in bed - I come out of the bathroom, she's taking her panties off, she's completely wasted - I'm not, she's passing out - I lay down in bed with her, she has her head on my chest, but every two minutes or so, she turns her head and starts spitting on the floor
I'm like what the shit?
Celluloid hero: jesus christ
Rob Gordon: this part is seriously fucking disturbing
I look down and she has her hand between her legs, and at first I'm like - is this broad seriously going to sub-consciously rub one out right here?
few more minutes, few more spits on the floor
I look down and she's pulling out a bloody tampon
Celluloid hero: hahahaha
Rob Gordon: this morning she wakes me up at like 5 or so, and she's a completely normal person again
Celluloid hero: how does this broad stay gainfully employed?
Rob Gordon: she has a good job too....
works from home
honestly this story doesn't even do justice to the crazy behavior
it has to be the booze man, seriously we talked for like an hour this morning she was completely normal
Celluloid hero: very strange
Rob Gordon: yeah - dude, I'm thinking the spitting is a side affect of some prescription she's on?
Celluloid hero: might be
so did you tell her she needs to basically stop drinking?
5 minutes
11:27 AM
Rob Gordon: no - I don't know how to play this one
like-no bull shit- I'm seriously worried about her
Celluloid hero: I know, we like to bullshit and make fun of most of these girls...but wow this girl needs some help. you know her family at all? or maybe some of the people you used to work with?
oh shit! you could get her on that Intervention show on A&E!
Rob Gordon: we have some mutual friends, I was thinking of asking but not sure how well they know each other anymore
it'd get seriously awkward if I asked her and she said no - I think she's fine and then turned around and told her I was asking if I thought she was crazy
Celluloid hero: well after this weekend I'd say you check her into Betty Ford. but first, the gangster pool party haha
41 minutes
12:16 PM
Rob Gordon: oh for real - your ass is coming to the pool party - need a second opinion
Celluloid hero: we'll drive separately though. so I can bail at anytime haha
Rob Gordon: fair enough
Celluloid hero: plus I don’t need to mess up your game
Rob Gordon: if she gets to the black out stage - I don't think much could fuck up my game
Celluloid hero: I just cant wait to watch Purple Rain sans pants in HD tomorrow
Rob Gordon: you taking tomorrow or Monday for the fourth?
Celluloid hero: govt is off tomorrow. that means the office has no armed guards and is closed. which means my black ass is off!
12:20 PM

20 July 2009

mozzer monday - panic

I took the liberty of mapping out the panic for you tossers who are not familiar with the geography of the United Kingdom.

Morrissey wrote 'panic' in response to English disc jockey Steven Wrights ill-timed playing of Whams! 'I'm your man'. While you could argue that anytime a Wham! or George Michael song is played it is ill-timed and in bad taste, this instance was particularly bad due to the fact that it immediately followed a news flash recounting the nuclear disaster that had occured in Chernobyl earlier that day. It was widely assumed that Wright was dismissing the event as just another trivial overseas event. Through the song Morrissey tells of what would happen should a nuclear meltdown occur in the UK, and also an attack on the music that was being played on radio one. In a concert later that year Morrissey appeared on stage at Carlisle's Sands Centre wearing a Steve Wright t-shirt and swinging a noose. Later that year in an interview with Melody Maker's Frank Owen he posed the question "is the Smiths' music racist?" to which the Mozzer responded:
"Reggae, for example, is to me the most racist music in the entire world. It's an absolute total glorification of black supremacy... There is a line when defense of one's race becomes an attack on another race and, because of black history and oppression, we realise quite clearly that there has to be a very strong defense. But I think it becomes very extreme sometimes. But, ultimately, I don't have very cast iron opinions on black music other than black modern music which I detest. I detest Stevie Wonder. I think Diana Ross is awful. I hate all those records in the Top 40 - Janet Jackson, Whitney Houston. I think they're vile in the extreme. In essence this music doesn't say anything whatsoever. I don't think there's any time any more to be subtle about anything. You have to get straight to the point.Obviously to get on Top Of The Pops these days, one has to be, by law, black. I think something political has occurred among Michael Hurl and his friends and there has been a hefty pushing of all these black artists and all this discofied nonsense into the Top 40. I think, as a result, that very aware younger groups that speak for now are being gagged.The charts have been constructed quite clearly as an absolute form of escapism rather than anything anyone can gain any knowledge by. I find that very disheartening because it wasn't always that way. Isn't it curious that practically none of these records reflect life as we live it? Isn't it curious that 93 and a half percent of these records relect life as it isn't lived? That foxes me! If you compare the exposure that records by the likes of Janet Jackson and the stream of other anonymous Jacksons get to the level of daily airplay that The Smiths receive - The Smiths have had at least 10 consecutive chart hits and we still can't get on Radio 1's A list. Is that not a conspiracy? The last LP ended up at number two and we were still told by radio that nobody wanted to listen to The Smiths in the daytime. Is that not a conspiracy? I do get the scent of a conspiracy.
And, anyway, the entire syndrome has one tune and surely that's enough to condemn the entire thing."

17 July 2009

eskandarian a lock for goal of the week honors

To all other MLS strikers - take the weekend off. This is undoubtedly the goal of the week: Esky's second goal in only his third game with the Galaxy overshadowing the return of becks in the third minute of play. For best results, remove pants before watching:

16 July 2009

summertime in dc and crazy is in the air - round one

I briefly considered submitting this to the foggy monocle but decided to post it here instead. A story from a few weeks ago as recounted the morning after with Celluloid Hero. The following is completely true, the names and places have been changed to protect the crazy...I mean innocent, check back for round two later this week:

10:29 AM
Celluloid hero: so what’s the haps?
Rob Gordon: holy shi-ite
first....under no circumstance does this end up on the foggy monocle
because I guarantee this has never happened to anyone else
Celluloid hero: ok
Rob Gordon: so we met up at car pool around 430, she'd been drinking wine already - she took a half day
so we're catching up...she literally lives with in a 5 minute stumble of the mall
good fucking thing too, because she got a DUI in September
had to do 5 days in jail
and get an ignition breathalyzer installed
Celluloid hero: women in prison=hot
Rob Gordon: exactly...
so she proceeds to tell me how she was in general pop
to quote her "the only reason they didn't fuck with me was because I have a black ass"
Celluloid hero: I may need a mountain dew for this portion
Rob Gordon: yeah...strap in...let me know when you're ready
Celluloid hero: continue to type...I'll catch up
10:40 AM
Rob Gordon: if this conversation were the titanic....we haven't even approached the tip of the iceburg
on a side note....last night may have been the first time in my life I was the voice of reason
so then she proceeds to tell me how she couldn't get her anti-depression meds while she was in jail....so she called her doctor and they were able to give her one of the pills...but not all of them
Apparently she's on an anti-depression cocktail that makes the number of pills they give aids patients look like childs play
then we talk about her condo...etc.......
then she tells me that she and I should buy a boat
10:45 AM

Celluloid hero: ok....
Rob Gordon: she says think of all the hot chicks you could attract with a boat....and I told her I'd split a boat with her but only if I got to name it
to which she said I could name it anything I wanted as long as it didn't have "cunt" in the name
Celluloid hero: I love that word
Rob Gordon: anyways...so she goes back to the hot chick I could get with a boat and then says...unless of course you'd rather have me
Celluloid hero: oh wow
Rob Gordon: yeah....then she starts to stroke my ego...telling me how handsome I am and how great a guy I am....all true of course
Celluloid hero: riiiiiiiiiight
Rob Gordon: so I said something gay alluding to the fact that I'd rather have her....had to wash the cock out of my mouth afterwards
then she tells me we should go on vacation in two weeks to the bahamas
Celluloid hero: rekindle that flame from the Jamaica trip
Rob Gordon: she literally grabs my phone and starts going through my outlook calendar to see if I can go or not
Celluloid hero: please tell me you changed her name in the contacts
10:49 AM
Rob Gordon: indeed I did....
that would not have gone over well if I hadn't
so....I may be going to the bahamas in a few weeks...we'll see
Then...she starts to tell me about her therapist
and tells me that she wants me to go talk to him - because I have anger issues....and that if we were going to be together I needed to go see him at least once
Celluloid hero: whoa..."be together"?! L-O-L
Rob Gordon: yeah....
trust me that's only a minor highlight from the evening
so I'm thinking...I came here for one thing...and it wasn't to buy a boat or go to therapy
anyways....then she tells me about her church that she goes to...and how great the band is there
how it's all young people and how she wants me to go with her
how it would be good for me
Celluloid hero: W-T-F
Rob Gordon: yeah....so then she lays it out...if I want to be with her I have to go to her therapist once...and church once
Celluloid hero: wow, you take the day off today? haha
Rob Gordon: haha...I need some therapy now
so of course you know I told her I was into her..which I am...and that I'd consider it
to which she comes over sits on my lap and starts making out with me.....then starts to tell me about all the slutty outfits she'll wear if I go to see her therapist and if I go to church
so clearly....going to church on Sunday
so then it starts to get even realer
it's probably 8 or 9 at this point
we leave car pool and decide to go to rock bottom for a drink before heading to her place
10:58 AM
so we're talking on the way over and I mention that I saw her friend Simone at rockbottom when they opened...and she says oh....I couldn't make it that night it was all of her friends but her....including this girl Mary-Kate that went to Jamaica with us
I ask how Mary-Kate is doing and find out she works WHERE? At Endeavor with Ashleigh
11:00 AM
Celluloid hero: oh shit
Rob Gordon: yeah - I left it at that...didn't want to find out any more info on that
so we're sitting outside at rockbottom and her depression meds must have worn off
I light up a cig and she tells me "if we're going to be together, you can't die of lung cancer" and takes my cigs and lighter and throws them into the street
Celluloid hero: i would have paid to have seen the look on your face
Rob Gordon: they were the camel lights I bought on accident so I wasn't too broken up about it....
did you see the pic I sent you?
Celluloid hero: yeah for some reason g-mail was fucked up my phone last night...i did see it this morning. wow.
Rob Gordon: this is a little before that pic was taken
she starts rambling all sorts of nonsensical shit....
I couldn't even tell you what it was...but she manages to ask me to go get her a miller lite
so the bartender who was also our waiter is like no problem I'll bring it out in a min
wait one...have to run upstairs..
11:05 AM
Celluloid hero: dude, really
11:10 AM
Rob Gordon: ok
so I come back outside and amy winehouse is gone
so I figure she went to the bathroom....
the bartender comes out and says - "your girl is sitting on a stool ranting, and spitting on the floor"
Celluloid hero: oh I thought she would end up behind CVS looking for a fix
Rob Gordon: haha
so she finally comes back with out her purse
to which she doesn't out right accuse me of taking- but she eluded to it
so i told her she probably left it in the women’s room
so I head that direction and ask a girl - who was smoking hot - to check for a purse which she finds and brings to me
so I go back outside and that's where the picture came from...she sitting there with her head down spitting on the floor and pulling on her own hair
11:18 AM
Celluloid hero: yeah I was gonna ask about the self hair pulling but i figured it would build to this point.
Rob Gordon: indeed
that's when I texted you....needed some back up
Celluloid hero: did you like my response? haha
Rob Gordon: yeah - i know how Jefferson Steercock felt on Saturday
Celluloid hero: plus i got a text from Selena saying that I should come hang out and that Miley was there ;-)
Rob Gordon: did you just insert a smiley face?
11:21 AM
Celluloid hero: it was a winky face
just as gay
Rob Gordon: jesus....wait till your old man hears about that
Celluloid hero: I’m glad I didnt tell him about taking a bath in Vegas while reading OK magazine
he might slap the gay demon out of me
Rob Gordon: ok - so she sees I have the purse and she like attacks me starts making out with me hardcore...putting her hand up my shorts
Celluloid hero: at the bar?
were you at rio? LOL
Rob Gordon: indeed on the patio
haha...not at rio thank god
so she's like let's go to my place and of course I'm all in
Celluloid hero: like Doyle Brunson and shit
Rob Gordon: she goes to the women's room with no purse...and your boy is out in the street retrieving his cigs and lighter
so pay the check we hop the railing and are walking towards the corner where the parking garage is...she can barely walk...in an attempt to look like a total rapist I offer a piggy back ride
nothing looks cooler than a semi-conscious broad getting a piggy back ride from a dude with a hard on
11:25 AM
Celluloid hero: oh wow
Rob Gordon: but she refused...so I'm trying to get a cab and none are stopping
I turn around and she's laying on the sidewalk
Celluloid hero: so did you become an exhibitionist?
Rob Gordon: L-O-L
that would have been an idea
so I reach over the railing and grab a chair and sit her in it...she's telling me how sweet I am...and how happy we're going to be
then she decides she can walk...so we stumble the few blocks to her condo
stoping to make out of course....too bad it wasn't raining....
Celluloid hero: or on a BMW
Rob Gordon: exactly....or a black mercedes with a breathalyzer ignition.....get back to her place...I sit on the couch she
goes into the bedroom and comes out in a bra and sweat pants
Celluloid hero: different...but i can dig.
11:29 AM
Rob Gordon: then she puts on the country music channel on cable and asks me to dance with her....I'm like what the shit?
so of course I end up dancing with her....and eventually we end up naked so I try to lead her into her bedroom...to which she is completely against....and says something along the lines that "If I want to fuck her I had to on the couch"
Celluloid hero: what?
Rob Gordon: it was a sectional and the angles were a bit difficult.....
Celluloid hero: is her bed some sanctuary?
Rob Gordon: no idea?
Celluloid hero: this broad is a hot mess. how is she amongst the living?
i've always wanted a sectional.
Rob Gordon: so we go at it on the couch for a while and I'm seriously like standing on one leg....kneeling...all kinds of crazy shit...sectionals are not designed with coitus in mind
so again I attempt to move to the bedroom to which she refuses again
so we go at it....spoon for a while....I must have nodded off for a minute..it's around 12:30 or so and she's lying on the floor singing some country song
so I ask her if we can go to bed
she gets up goes into her bedroom I follow she grabs a pillow and blanket and leads me right back to the sofa
doesn't say shit and then goes back to her bedroom
so I'm sitting on the sofa trying to piece together what the fuck just happened
11:36 AM
Celluloid hero: WTF? you just banged. but you cant sleep in the same bed?
Rob Gordon: exactly...what the shit is that?
she comes out of the bedroom as I'm sitting there and is like...you have to come over on the 4th...I'm having a party at my rooftop pool
and then we can go to church on sunday
Celluloid hero: buhahahaha
Rob Gordon: I was like ok
she disappears and closes the door to her bedroom
Celluloid hero: so does she have more friends with daddy issues for your boy?
Rob Gordon: dude...you are so fucking coming to that party on Saturday
so I sat on the couch for a few minutes waited till I though she was asleep and rolled the fuck out
Celluloid hero: I’m already there. even if you didn’t invite me, i would’ve scaled some walls and shit.
Rob Gordon: haha....it's gonna be on
so I texted her as I was leaving - "I had fun, see you soon I hope"
because with her MO she'll ignore me for the next four months now
11:40 AM
Celluloid hero: this is true. but don’t worry, you hand the phone over and let my get my T.S. Elliot on.
Rob Gordon: dude...I've always been into crazy....she takes it to an entirely new level....
Celluloid hero: apparently
Rob Gordon: pretty sure she's going down that road again....texted her again when I got to work that we should do dinner tonight...no reply at all
11:50 AM
Celluloid hero: hmm
you may have to take the real to the next level...maybe even be nice. haha
Rob Gordon: dude...I was completely nice....like wanted to kick my own ass nice....didn't try to bang her on top of the bar at the restaurant or anything
Celluloid hero: I know that...I’m just saying you may need to continue that...this week at least so we can attend the gangster Independence pool party.
Rob Gordon: oh - it'll continue...trust me....
I dig crazy man...I dig it
11:57 AM
Celluloid hero: word
that was entertaining
and the fact that I just got paid to read it makes it even more enjoyable.
I’m sending this to Jefferson Steercock - haha
12:02 PM
Rob Gordon: go ahead..no worries
oh - we had a dude die in the hotel yesterday
Celluloid hero: that’s nuts
Rob Gordon: yeah - heart attack...he was in the room reading the paper, wife came back from work about 5pm found him there....coroner said he died like 2pm or so
Celluloid hero: damn, that sucks
Rob Gordon: thank god it didn't happen on my MOD shift...between crashing the hotel van and a dude dying I'd never hear the end of it
Celluloid hero: so Miley said you were pretty funny
Rob Gordon: oh did she?
Celluloid hero: and even called you “the Rob Gordon”
Rob Gordon: did she say "your friend the 8, made me laugh"
Celluloid hero: then we all laughed about the stonewashed jeans
Rob Gordon: haha...I forgot about that
did I call her out about those to her face...or behind her back?
Celluloid hero: both
Rob Gordon: L-O-L
Celluloid hero: it was definitely an experience.
12:09 PM
Rob Gordon: Amy Winehouse better respond to me today...she was seriously kissing my ass telling me how great I was yesterday and how much she wanted to be with me....it'd be great if I could start banging that out on the reg
Celluloid hero: that would be nice. how was her "black ass"? haha
12:25 PM
Rob Gordon: i spent some quality time with it...
so on a scale of 1-10 how crazy would you say she is?
Celluloid hero: I'd say 8 or 9.
Rob Gordon: hot...huh?
Celluloid hero: think you may have opened pandora's box here
12:30 PM
Rob Gordon: I feel like Vince Vaughn in wedding crashers...when he's talking to the priest....maybe we're all a little crazy....haha
Celluloid hero: so do you think she had a kid in the bedroom?
Rob Gordon: haha....no
I looked in...everything appeared to be above board
she did ask me if I ever thought about having another kid
and she didn't insist on using a condom either
Celluloid hero: so how does she feel about having Full Blown Aids now? jk hahaha
Rob Gordon: L-O-L....I forgot my pamphlets...
Celluloid hero: I drank too much hofbrau last night
Rob Gordon: where'd you get that?
Celluloid hero: at Eat Bar
on tap!
Rob Gordon: oh shit...where is that joint?
Celluloid hero: wash blvd...right before clarendon
Rob Gordon: your boy was sleeping in the miracle whip in the employee parking lot this morning
Celluloid hero: just like Dino would have done
Rob Gordon: exactly....chain smoking like him too
with my half crushed cigs
so what's the move here? texted her at 930 about going out tonight....no reply
is it time to make the call?
Celluloid hero: think it might. she may be passed out in bed.
Rob Gordon: yeah....think I'll call at one...I used to wait until noon to call...then it became industry standard....I think calling at 1 is a little bit money
Celluloid hero: true
man, i need to start going sleeper cell in a new stable.
Rob Gordon: haha....I thought you were going to hani hanjour Anne Frank and her mans and them

Celluloid hero: thats still in the works. Cypress Hill is out of town this week. Should be a go next week.
well looky here, Miley added Me on Facebook.
12:47 PM
Rob Gordon: oh did she.....
my ninja
you just have to figure out a way to break her and iceman up
Celluloid hero: goose is all up in it
12:52 PM
Rob Gordon: that’s just wrong
Celluloid hero: dude! there was this chick at Guapos last night. had the most amazing ass I have ever seen. she works there and is russian. blonde.
Rob Gordon: jesus- you do the Shirlington bar tour last night?
Celluloid hero: well I was at Eat Bar. then Selena said that she was at Guapos. Iwasn’t gonna go then she added "Miley was with Me"...fishtailed out of the parking lot and met them over there.
Rob Gordon: haha....did you fill the Mr. Fusion?
Celluloid hero: huh?
Rob Gordon: the Mr. Fusion from back to the future II
instead of plutonium? come on man
Celluloid hero: its all coming back now
Rob Gordon: alright...I'm gonna go call Amy Winehouse....what do you think the odds she picks up are?
Celluloid hero: 7-1
1:03 PM
Rob Gordon: really? that much of a long shot?
Celluloid hero: I just think she would have responded
Rob Gordon: alright....we'll see
Celluloid hero: prove me wrong
the hair pulling thing would have been much better if you had the 3GS iPhone.....video, my ninja
1:11 PM
Rob Gordon: I know right....you're the big winner...didn't get the side button though so I guess it could have been worse
2:02 PM
Rob Gordon: dude...it's fucking deja vu all over again
Celluloid hero: no response
Rob Gordon: yeah....not cool
should I tell her I want to sex that sweet ass?
Celluloid hero: haha
Rob Gordon: clearly logic does not apply to this chick
I even brought up the fact that she did this to her last night before she went completely over the edge
Celluloid hero: hmm
Rob Gordon: don't take offense at this...but if only we mutually knew some one crazy who could shed some light on the situation.....hmmmmm.....no one comes to mind immediately....hmmmmmm
Celluloid hero: how about no
Rob Gordon: really? no?
2:11 PM
Celluloid hero: you saw this coming...she does it every time
she was drunk, wanted a fuck and now she feels bad. no offense to you. just the way this shit works.
Rob Gordon: we were supposed to buy a boat!!! WWWWHHHYYYYY?
Celluloid hero: L-O-L
maybe let it marinate until thurs
Rob Gordon: fair enough.....have to be at the pool party

Celluloid hero: yeah that’s the important thing

Rob Gordon: the lines of communication are back open
Celluloid hero: oh snap. do tell.
Rob Gordon: just received a text....
Celluloid hero: standing by
12 minutes
2:28 PM
Celluloid hero: dont leave me hanging, goose!
18 minutes
2:47 PM
Rob Gordon: unfulfilling
we'll see how it plays out
have to be at the gangster pool party
Celluloid hero: so what’s the deal? did she drop that knowledge on you? said she was talking to her sponsor on a conference call?
Rob Gordon: haha...no she said "sorry can't tonight, dinner with a client"
then I dropped some gossip of note on her.....
our mutual friend Rich is getting married in Sept
Celluloid hero: good move, making it not all "business". well played.
Rob Gordon: haha....
Celluloid hero: stop with the dot dot dot, man!
Rob Gordon: that's my move right there dot dot dot
not sure how I started it but I do it in everything now, emails, texts, reports, etc...
I'm known for it now
Celluloid hero: so how do you think the text/call went? at least you got contact back.
Rob Gordon: ehh - like I said earlier, you can't apply common sense or reasoning to crazy broads so who the fuck knows
I'll give her a call Thursday, and if it's the same old same old - just revert back to TS Elliot on the late night texts
that much you can count on
Celluloid hero: I’m like a black AMEX - never lets you down.
Rob Gordon: I prefer the term African American Express
but you do have a pretty good batting average
approaching hall of famer status
Celluloid hero: yeah Memorial day weekend I knew I had to throw a knuckle-curve. she kept on hitting my high heat.
Rob Gordon: haha, you should start juicing then you'd be unstoppable
Celluloid hero: "everyone wants a piece of my shit"---kenny powers said that.
Rob Gordon: you'd get popped in a piss test and have to admit the human growth hormone helps your sms abilities
and....got a whole new batch of high school broads checking in today
3:02 PM
Celluloid hero: very nice

15 July 2009

it's not Michael Jackson and this is not "Thriller" - top 5 80's rap songs

In honor of the impending release of Celluloid Hero's 'BetaMax MixTape - An 80's Retrospective' and the inevitable slew of california gangster style pool parties it will undoubtedly inspire:

top 5 80's rap songs +1

Rock the Bells - LL Cool J, 1985
Great track despite the jab he takes at my man Prince with this line:
So all you jerry-curl suckers wearin' high-heel boots
Like ballerinas, what I mean is you're a fruit-loop troop

Children's Story - Slick Rick, 1988
Life Lesson's handed down by Mr. Slick Richard:
This ain't funny so don't ya dare laugh,
just another case 'bout the wrong path,
Straight 'n narrow or yo' soul gets cast

Straight Outta Compton - NWA, 1988
Snaps & Daps from Ice Cube, MC Ren, Eazy-E, and Dr. Dre
But I don't give a fuck, I'ma make my snaps
If not from the records, from jackin the crops

Paid In Full - Eric B. & Rakim, 1987
Long before Snoop-a-loop and Frank the tank covered this at mitch-a-paloza, Eric B & Rakim penned an instant classic:
Thinkin of a master plan
Cuz ain't nuthin but sweat inside my hand
So I dig into my pocket, all my money is spent
So I dig deeper but still comin up with lint

Paul Revere - Beastie Boys, 1986
My favorite rap line of all time, second only to 'no one on guitar beats Jimmy Paige, the girlies I live are underage':
I did it like this, I did it like that
I did it with a whiffleball bat

King of Rock - Run-D.M.C., 1985

They called us and said we're gettin iller
There's no one chiller
It's not Michael Jackson and this is not Thriller

13 July 2009

mozzer monday - the last of the famous international playboys

I went back and forth over which song I'd use to kick off the inaugural "Mozzer Monday" but ultimately decided to forgo the slow build up and instead go with my current favorite:

"I think a lot of people, in order to be seen, in order to be famous and in order to be acknowledged, do something destructive or commit murder. In America, the perfect example is serial killers who quite obviously don't mind being caught and don't mind being known as mass-murderers. They want their element of fame, and they always get it."

The song is a eulogy to the Kray twins who dominated London's east end in the 50's and 60's, however when asked by James Brown of the NME in '89 about the song the mozzer said, "The last of the famous international playboys are Bowie, Bolan, Devoto, and me!" He later added:
"I think I must be, absolutely, a total sex object in every sense of the word. A lot of men and a lot of women find me unmistakably attractive. It amuses me. I sit down and wonder why, and then someone writes me a beautiful letter and tells me why...and a lot of the male followers who are as far as the eye can see natural specimens have very anguished rabid desires in my direction. I find that quite histrionic. Even though an equal proportion of female followers do too, perhaps that's less remarkable than having a vast army of male followers. They're not multi-sexual beings or Urban Warholian creatures, they're just your very, very natural living breathing boys."
clearly - he got my letter

10 July 2009

song of the day

I may have any unhealthy obsession with Heart.

Even at 55 Nancy Wilson would still get it, she might even be hotter than Carrie Underwood's sweet sweet ass. But since Carrie gave it up to this poof, the clear cut winner, by a country mile, is Nancy Wilson.

08 July 2009

who's got the get fresh flow?

born July 8, 1970

"Somebody told me you all wanted to hear some beats! Somebody told me you all want to hear some stuff blow up! Somebody told me you all wanted to hear some beats go in effect! I don't think you know what you got yourself into! I see folks gettin' down just 2% of the way! I see folks gettin' down just minus 50% of the way!"

top 5 Beck songs

enjoy bitches

Guero - 2005
One of the Hanukkah pimps most successful singles, Beck described this song as "like Nelly but with a garage band". Essentially Beck rapping over a bluesy guitar and a drum sample from the Beastie Boys 'so what'cha want?'. The Guero album was co-produced by the Dust Brothers, and in some ways is a return to the Odelay album from 9 years earlier. E-Pro made it to #1 on the modern rock charts giving Beck his first number one since Loser in 1994.
Lost Cause

Sea Change - 2002
Most of Beck's work is pretty upbeat, this maybe one of the only slow 'break up style' songs, although Beck has said in interviews the song is more about the city of Los Angeles rather than the end of a relationship. Of the line "This town is crazy, nobody cares", Beck said, "Yeah, it's an L.A. line,I wanted to take that line out, but I was too lazy. It is, though. People are very, I don't know, blasé"

Mellow Gold - 1994
The song that put Beck on the map. Originally released on Bong Load records in 1993, Beck teamed with Carl Stephenson and wrote the song in a matter of hours in Stephenson's living room. Beck had been playing coffee shops playing mostly folk music, bus still aspired to be somewhat of a beat box rapper attempting to emulate Public Enemy's Chuck D on the songs chorus. However, his skills as a rapper left him unimpressed, "When [Stephenson] played it back, I thought, 'Man, I'm the worst rapper in the world, I'm just a loser.' So I started singing 'I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me." One of the 500 vinyl pressings of Loser eventually caught the attention of Geffen Records and the song was re-released on the Mellow Gold album. The majority of the song's lyrics are non sequiturs, notably 'And my time is a piece of wax falling on a termite, who's choking on the splinters' to which Beck later explained that he was living on the roof of a shack and saw a termite up there chilling with a 40, and it started choking, but he was unable to save it.

Odelay - 1996
To this day, the best concert I've attended was March 26, 1997 Beck at the Patriot Center. Odelay is one of those albums you can listen to the entire thing, and it won Beck a grammy for Alternative Album of the Year in 1997. One of the best quotes from Beck regards 'the enchanting wizard of rythm', to which Beck explained, "We had to helicopter him in from Oxnard. He is in mighty demand these days, but we booked him about 12 months ahead of time and we provided transportation and Zankou chicken"

Midnite Vultures - 1999
Only Beck could cold step to you with a fresh pack of gum. Beck is a big fan of R. Kelly and the sexual R&B rappers. "It's fascinating to me, these guys singing R&B with a very sweet, smooth groove, but they're singing about how they want to get some girl's panties off and do them real good. Very explicit, but very sensitive at the same time. It's a really weird juxtaposition," Beck says. For reasons unknown Beck recorded this song with the Dust Brothers, intending to release it on Odelay, but chose not to. He began performing it as a part of his live shows in 2005. Beck was playing a tiny 250-person club in his own backyard of Silverlake. "I'm a little bit uneasy about this," Beck announced, "but I'm gonna try something. It could be a disaster, so I'm just warning you! How many of you here are down with the slow jams? Who's got the get fresh flow? This is straight-up soul for real. Jodeci. Men2Men." Instead of Zankou Chicken, he name checked Kentucky Fried Chicken, but otherwise, lyrically, the song was not far from how it is now.

01 July 2009

well, I don't want fop, goddamn it! I'm a dapper dan man!

would ya just watch the hair. ya know, I work on my hair a long time and you hit it. he hits my hair
No offense to Jefferson Steercock, but one of my biggest fears is going bald. Micheal Jordan may have been able to pull it off, but not me. There are few things I respect more than a solid head of hair. So on the occasion where I have a little too much evening and end up spending the night sleeping in my car in the employee parking lot of my place of business, my first stop in the morning is the local pharmacy to pick up some hair products. I can put up with a lot, but those fuckers better have my dapper dan.

top 5 celebrity hair

#5 - James Dean
It's sad when the life of a great head of hair is cut short. The only head of hair to receive a posthumous academy award nomination for best hair....I mean actor.
#4 - John Cusack
If you're a scholar of the movie High Fidelity like I am, you can see the wide range his hair has. Reflecting a different emotion with every style, truly epic.
#3 - Chris Isaak
You may not be able to spit "wicked game" like him, perhaps if you wash, rinse, repeat, and apply the right amount of gel - one day your hair game might be as strong as his.
#2 - Elvis
Even in the bloated pill addicted sweaty years the hair was as iconic as him.
#1 - Morrissey
Granted, I may be a bit gay for the Mozzer, but even at fifty, his hair is impeccable. Given his long standing feud with the Cure's Robert Smith - he definitely wins in the hair category, not even close.