If you haven't seen Swingers, well....what the fuck are you waiting for? Definitely in my top 5 of all time, in a dead heat with High Fidelity for the number one spot. In honor of the thirteenth anniversary of the release of one of the greatest films of our generation, going down like a monkey presents:
the dating advice of Trent Walker (a top 5)
#5 - "Now I want you to go over to that girl and I want you to get those digits. Come here a second, listen. Now look it, when you go up to talk to her man, I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie, everyone's REALLY hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know? The guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from, okay? You're a bad man, you're a bad man."
#4 - "You know what? Ha Ha Ha Mike, laugh all you want, but if you call too soon you might scare off a nice baby who's ready to party. [Favs: Well, how long you gonna wait to call your babies?] Six Days."
#3 - "Baby don't talk that way. [Patrick Van Horn: You're so money and you don't even know it] That's what I've keep trying to tell him. [Favs: Could you not mess with me right now] Baby we're not messing with you. You know what you are? You're like a big bear with claws and fangs. And fucking teeth on you. And she's just like this little bunny who's just kinda cowering in the corner. Yeah man, just kinda..you know you got these claws and you're staring at these claws man and you're thinking to yourself, with these claws you're thinking, 'how am I supposed to kill this bunny? How am I supposed to kill this bunny?" [PVH: And you're poking it] Yeah, you're not hurting it, you're just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny is scared Mike, the bunny is scared of you. Shivering. You got these claws and these fangs man, and you're looking at your claws and you're looking at your fangs and you're thinking to yourself, 'I don't know what to do man, I don't know how to kill the bunny' with this you don't know how to kill the bunny. Do you know what I mean? [Favs: So you're not just like fucking with me?] No I'm not fucking with you. Mike, I'm telling you you're money.
#2 - "Look you take yourself out of the game, you start talking to them about puppy dogs and ice cream of course it's gonna end up on the friendship tip....Baby, you are so money and you don't even know it...Listen to me Mike, your self esteem is low right now because she's with somebody else. But talking about it and thinking about it all the time, it's depressing, it's no good man."
#1 - "Oh, Mike do you even think I know what the hell they're saying to me half the time? I don't know if they're talking about how hard it is to be adopted, or how their dad can't show them affection. All I do man is stare at their mouthes and wrinkle my eyebrows and somehow I turn out to be a big sweetie. Okay? Now take this girl here right? She's a waitress in Las Vegas ok? But I bet somewhere inside of her there's a very very special dream and no matter how hard I try I won't..."