26 July 2010

wikipedia explains the hottness from 1994


I read somewhere that information on wikipedia is more correct than encyclopedia britanica. Do they even publish encyclopedia's any longer? It's insane the speed in which the internet nerd community updates pages, it wasn't three seconds after Gio Van Bronckhorst scored against Uruguay in the semi-finals that some parent's basement dwelling mouth breather had already updated his international goal stats on wiki. Regardless, I present the best wiki entry of all time, in which the Warren G song 'regulate' is explained in a meticulous fashion that even your grandmother could understand. And while this did make me l-o-l, it simultaneously made me ashamed to be white:
On a cool, clear night, typical in Southern California, Warren G is travelling around his neighbourhood, searching for women to have sex with. He's chosen to engage in this pursuit alone.

Nate Dogg, however, has just arrived in Long Beach, seeking Warren. Ironically, Nate passes a car full of women who are excited to see him. He insists to the women that there's no cause for the excitement.

Warren makes a left at 21st Street and Lewis, where he sees a group of young men enjoying a game of dice together. He parks his car and accosts them, excited to find people to play with, but is chagrined when he discovers they intend to pilfer him of his material possessions. Once the hopeful thieves reveal their firearms, Warren realizes he is in a considerable predicament.

Meanwhile, Nate is trying to avoid the women who saw him earlier. He ventures that some of them are prostitutes, and he isn't interested in prostitutes at the moment. After curtly brushing off the strumpets (whose interest in Nate was such that they crashed their automobile), he serendipitously stumbles upon his friend being held up by the young miscreants.

Warren, unaware that Nate Dogg is surreptitiously observing the scene unfold, is in disbelief that he's being robbed. The perpetrators have taken jewellery items and a name brand designer watch from Warren, who is so incredulous that he asks what else the robbers would like to steal. This is most likely a rhetorical question.

Observing these unfortunate proceedings, Nate realizes that he may have to use his firearm in order to deliver his friend from the thieves.

Despite Long Beach's reputation for crime, Warren can't believe that a hold up would happen in this area, especially to him. As he imagines himself escaping through supernatural means, he catches a glimpse of his friend, Nate.

Nate has seventeen bullets to expend on the group of thieves and he uses many of them. Afterwards, he generously shares with Warren the credit for neutralizing the situation, though clearly Nate did all of the hard work. In fact, Nate quickly reminds himself that he has committed multiple homicides to save Warren before letting his friend know that there are females nearby if he wishes to fornicate with them.

Warren recalls that it was the potential for copulation for which he'd ventured out into the night in the first place, and is thankful that Nate knows where there are women, who may or may not be prostitutes.

Nate quickly finds the women he'd left before, and remarks to one that he is fond of her physical dimensions. She comes up with a phony excuse about her car having mechanical issues in order to persuade Nate and Warren to allow her to come with them. Soon, both friends are driving with a car full of women to the Eastside Hotel, presumably for an orgy.

The third verse is more expository, with Warren and Nate explaining their G Funk musical style. Nate displays his bravado by claiming that anyone with the same amount of knowledge as himself would not even attempt to approach his level of lyrical mastery. He also notes that if any third party smokes like he does, they would find themselves in a state of intoxication every day. From Nate's other works, it can be inferred that the substance being smoked is marijuana. Nate concludes his delineation of the night by issuing a vague threat to "busters," suggesting that he and Warren will further "regulate" any potential situations in the future (presumably by Nate engaging their enemies in a battle of small arms fire, while Warren watches and shares credit afterwards).

1 comment:

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