27 August 2010

buffett concert or disney roadtrip?

There are few things in life I hate more than one James William Buffett. If the question 'would you rather?' was posed and behind door A was attending a Jimmy Buffett concert, I'm choosing door B every fucking time. Eat a steaming pile of feces left by some meth-head vagrant in an alley in south east DC or wear a Jimmy Buffet World Tour t-shirt for a night? Pass the fork and knife. Drink a vial of full blown aids or attend a Buffet Concert? They're bound to find a cure one of these days, I'll take my chances with the AIDS. Jimmy Buffet heads my top five bands or musicians who will have to be shot come the musical revolution list, and the only thing worse than Jimmy Buffett himself is his band of anoying 'parrothead' fans. This conversation started when a co-worker of mine sent an all-staff email offering her three tickets to see Jimmy Buffett in concert for their face value which was an astonishing $471.00. That being said, I found something far worse than attending a Jimmy Buffet concert: a car trip from Washington, DC to Orlando Florida in a mini-van with an overly-obsessed disney fanatic and his family. You can follow every excruciatingly painful, monotonous, inconsequential rambling here, although I wouldn't recommend it, or if you're curious which toilet he just defecated in and promptly checked-in via 4square on twitter.

Rob Gordon: alright opie, i've got one for you...
would you rather
ride with nips and family all the way from DC to Disney
or
attend a jimmy buffet concert?
Celluloid Hero: oh man that is tough. do i have to remain sober for both?
Rob Gordon: well, you'd have to remain sober for the car ride...the concert no
Celluloid Hero: so i could technically get black out drunk and pass out
Rob Gordon: technically speaking, i suppose you could, but for the spirit of the argument lets say you can get a nice drunk going- but not david hasselhoff late night cheeseburger drunk
Celluloid Hero: hmm, can i get drunk in the parking lot and just go in for jimmy buffet? or do i have to sit through all the opening acts?
Rob Gordon: hmm, one would think that the opening acts would be better than buffet, unless it was like Nickelback opening for Buffet, but i'll allow you to go in for the tail end of the opening act, get in your seats by the opening song HOWEVER no leaving early
and you couldn't bring your ipod to the concert
you'd have to listen to it, first five rows too
you have to witness the awfulness (if that's a word) that is James Buffet for 90+ minutes, plus encore
and no starting fights with the parrott heads
Celluloid Hero: i will go with buffett. a sober, 12-14 hour car ride full of Disney would cause me to eat a bullet.
Rob Gordon: i think i'd have to agree with you
Celluloid Hero: because you know they're watching disney movies all the way down.
Rob Gordon: as awful as seeing and hearing jimmy buffet would be, it pales in comparison to a 12 hour ride with Nips being all giddy - nipples fully erect for the entire ride, and his screaming kids
Rob Gordon: Nips’ wife is 4squaring it up on twitter now, the end is near...
Celluloid Hero: and a wife of a friend of mine does the 4square. @CVS. @Exxon. @Costco. @Wal-Mart. @Home.
Rob Gordon: thankfully, nips is the only one i know that does that shit
i have a feeling that facebook places is going to have the same effect on me as you mentioned - people are so fucking annoying
Celluloid Hero: im pretty sure 4square was started so you can say ‘hey I’m at this cool bar.’ not so that you could become the mayor ofChipotle in fucking Gainsville
Celluloid Hero: oh wow
@rwhitneyjr: Kids subjected to original, broadway and bluegrass versions of Circle of Life. #roadtrip10
Rob Gordon: how long until one of them tries to jimmy the door open and jump to his death?
i say before they hit the GA state line
Celluloid Hero: i just tweeted before the SC line
Rob Gordon: hmm, it doesn't take long to get through NC, but you may just be correct
dude!!! we should call in an amber alert on Nips...what type of van does he drive?
Celluloid Hero: honda odyssey
'09
blue?
Rob Gordon: did he buy it from Jefferson Steercock?
can we get the license plates?
Celluloid Hero: he bought it in VA. tysons honda
Rob Gordon: damn it
Celluloid Hero: i'm asking Jefferson Steercock
Rob Gordon: "PLEASE RT: Amber Alert - 2009 Blue Honda Odyssey w/VA plates, last seen heading south on I-95 in NC"
Celluloid Hero: L-O-L
bluegrass disney was heard blasting from the inside
Rob Gordon: haha i'm tempted to tweet it, however i just looked there is an actual @amberalert on twitter, don't want it to get out of hand, have the police get involved and shit

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