17 May 2011
so it's been nearly two months since I quit smoking. granted I did have a 30 minute or so self righteous pity party in which I chained smoked half a $15 pack of stale newports sitting in the middle of the side walk on north capitol street during the middle of the day...but that's neither here nor there. so, courtesy of my uber-addictive personality i now have a full on addiction to nicotine patches. so much so that currently i'm wearing seven of the 'step one' 21mg patches, and strongly considering slappig on a few more. according to the box you're supposed to wear 'only one at a time' and move on to step two after two weeks. whatever the fuck ever. you're also not supposed to masturbate with a plastic grocery bag tied over your head - but what can i say? i like to live life on the edge. one of the many wonderful side effects of my newly accquired nicotine patch addiction, and there are many side effects which i'll cover another time, is vivid dreams. vivid dreams followed by insomnia. vivid dreams you ask? that sounds fucking amazing!!! not quite. the warning should say "vivid lame fucking dreams". for example i had a dream about this hot girl i used to really want to hook up with - but, instead of the two of us getting all liquored up and fucking like a couple of caged up jack rabbits in some secret research lab set up by the government to test the effects of mixing piles of viagra, extacy, and pabst blue ribbon...the two of us had a conversation about nail salons. yeah, pretty fucking lame. and to top it off, I haven't been able to sleep longer than three hours a night in over six weeks. and everyone wonders why i've been so god damned angry. well all that changed last night! while i wasn't able to sleep more than three hours, i had a bad ass dream! long story short, i got an email from dr. dre telling me he needed to make a reservation for his house keeper at my hotel - seemed completely normal to me. so naturally him and i become instant buddies and we start talking about how i almost bought a pair of his 'beats by dre.' headphones, but how i'm a 30 year old white boy who owes it to himself not to be walking around wearing 'beats by dre' headphones even though they sound ten times better than the pair i ended up buying, then i asked him when he was going to be in another movie because he totally kicked ass in training day (affleck - you the bomb in phantoms yo!). so then i asked him how many people come up to him on the street or anywhere random and give him their demo and how annoying that must be, at which point he starts to say yeah it's kinda crazy... and i cut him off to ask, what? if you guessed 'can i send you my demo?' than you are exactly right. so he asked me what I sound like and i remember exactly what i said -"i sound just like eminem - accept way angrier" then I woke up covered in sweat and nicotine patches and it was a mere two hours after i had gone to sleep - wide the fuck awake but completely exhausted. so 'last night I dreamt that i sent my demo to dre' doesn't have quite the ring to it as the original.